This also coming from a child who, when he decides he is done, is done. This was quite a boon with weaning and potty training. Well the weaning was pretty traumatic for me. He woke up one morning at 18 months and that was it. Of course I went with it knowing how fortunate we were to forgo the potentially months long battle of denial and tears. Potty training was just glorious. Diapers then two days of accidents and then toilet. Done.
So I have the sneaking suspicion that regarding naps Sayan is also Done. I am not so enthusiastic about this as I was with the weaning and toilet training. Both of those transitions led to a more independent state for mother and child. Whereas no naps = greater dependence or at least more time spent together which = less time of independence for me.
Bottom line this is a selfish issue for me. Over the years if he would even miss one day of napping I would get all tense "he needs his rest, his little physiology needs that time of integration!!"
Read: "Mommy needs her rest, Mommy needs her time of integration!!" I was terrified of giving up those precious two hours every afternoon. My meditation time. My rest time. My work time. My laundry, housecleaning, organizing without fear of it all getting dumped back on the floor two seconds later time. My time.
Now I am redefining Me time as well as motherhood which allows a good opportunity for me to truly check in to how I feel about the seeming demise of what I have held as a sacred institution: nap time.
And when I do let go of that attachment to my previously held notion of nap time = "me time", what I realize is this: I am excited to have that many more hours in the day to spend with Sayan.
And the real issue is not (or should not be!) about whether I am ready to let go of his nap. The real question is if he is. Is his body ready to go 12 hours without sleep. That's what I've been monitoring the last few weeks.
For though this was the first long string of no-naps I have noticed he is sleeping for shorter times and definitely not every day. And though he gets sleepy midday he soon moves through it and is not the complete basket case he used to be without a nap. In short I feel his physiology is adapting to a new rhythm and I want to honor that.
The main deciding factor is (well aside from the fact I can't force him to sleep!!) that we have been setting up nap conditions, he lies in his darkened room for rest time for an hour and a half. Before this week he would usually succumb to sleep whether through exhaustion or boredom I don't know. But now he gives it a real shot, lies there listening to his music or just in silence and then pops up at the end with more energy.
So it appears he has switched and I now have the chance to switch my psychology as well. Rather than feeling he isn't getting what he needs in the day without his nap I will trust that as long as I continue to provide the opportunity for rest, that rest can serve him just as well if not more so than sleep. I assume some days his little body will be so pooped he will nap. But more often than not we may just lie there, enjoying the sweetness of each other's company in silence, but conscious awake silence rather than the drooling slumberous tangle we used to form.
And this conscious shared silence with my growing child is infinitely more nurturing than anything else I could have done with that hour before. This is how I want to spend My Time. Laundry can wait.
No comments:
Post a Comment